if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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