My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
