just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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