my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
