He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
