I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
