She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
