True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
