I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
