I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
