my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
