we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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