3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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