At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
