so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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