Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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