I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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