My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
