Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
