I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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