why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
