dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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