sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
