big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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