Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
