I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
