Yo dont text me then not text me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
