I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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