im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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