um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
