she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
