YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
