i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
