yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
