I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm too high and old for this...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
