On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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