I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
