last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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