I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
