She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
