his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
