I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
