Buhtt sex?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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