Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
