She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
