what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
