I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
