It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
