my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google imaged poop.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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