Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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