haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
